How To Put On Your Shoes Without Hating Yourself

I’m finding it harder and harder to put on my shoes. Not metaphorically, I mean actually bending down and physically putting on my shoes. It’s got nothing to do with my feet or my knees, either. I play soccer and tennis, and I work on my feet. It’s purely a stretching problem. I’m not flexible, never have been, and every time I stretch my body, it just hurts. And I’m still in my early 20s.

So what’s the solution? Well, I’ve got that pair of sneakers that everyone keeps on the floor, pre-tied and easy to sneak into. I’ve got loafers. Several. In fact, I can’t think of the last time I tied my shoes, or the last time I wore shoes that needed tying. I’ve made a change in my life to help myself avoid the pain of bending over and putting on my shoes. I’m a fool.

Recently, I’ve realized my mistake, and I’ve been trying to fix my general state of flexibility and “limberness,” as a friend once called it. I’ve joined a yoga studio in my town, and though I don’t like working out at night, it’s been a perfect addition to my life. It still hurts, I promise you, and I definitely cannot sit like a New York City street pretzel yet. I’m making progress though.

Another thing that helped is this video:

It sounds weird, and to be honest I didn’t watch it until it showed up on me several times, but it totally works. My general assumption, and I could be completely wrong, is that we have a lot of muscles in our bodies, and if we don’t make sure they’re all getting their needed movement, then they’ll fuck over. Try the exercises in the video. The first time I did them, it hurt so much I had to stop. Slowly, very slowly, I’ve been able to do them regularly, without pain. I can feel myself sitting straight up when I’m at work or in a friend’s car listening to Mac DeMarco.

I’d like to tell you that yoga and some YouTube back exercises got me a high-paying job, an anarchist girlfriend, and a free subscription to Electric Literature, but you know that most good things you can do for yourself have no other benefit other than making you a better version of yourself. But I can tell you that yesterday I put on some socks, and it wasn’t half bad.

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